Hey man sorry I got all grabby
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
