I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
