I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
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