conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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