The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
