So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
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She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
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I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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