I faked an abortion last night.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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