Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
