Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
