It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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