i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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