A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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