it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
