dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
