My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
