Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
