gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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