I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
