Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
