dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
