Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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