Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
