'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
