Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
