Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
