just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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