Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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