The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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