I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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