good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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