mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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