Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'm bleeding and have questions
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
