Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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