somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
