He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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