And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
