I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
