i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
