I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
