the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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