There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
