Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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