Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Drake has all the answers
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
