you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
