Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
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I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I love you. Go after that dick
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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