They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
