SEEEEXXX PLEASE
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
