Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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