one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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