I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
