she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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