she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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