I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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