cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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