Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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