oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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