First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I need to calm my uterus...
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
