something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
