I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize