remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
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Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
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If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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