he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
