i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
