i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
