If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
