Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
