did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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