i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
