Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
