guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
