Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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