More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
