My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
