Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
