Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
