I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
